As my friend continued to struggle, I began to feel an intense guilt and sense of responsibility, devoting all of my time and energy to her.

You should feel that your friend truly sees you and naturally helps you to be better, instead of seeing who they want you to be or constantly trying to get you to change. When you accept or encourage behavior, it continues.

Friendships require work and compromise, but you should never feel like you are compromising who you are. In fact, they're much more likely to kick you when you're down. Self care and ideas to help you live a healthier, happier life. “Good friends are like cheerleaders: they root you on and take pride in your success. If you don't answer them, what if they hurt themselves?'. You'll realise you're never actually happy or relaxed around them because they don't make you feel good about yourself, Neo said. 9 signs it's time to end a friendship, according to therapists. "Drama is a very big thing when we talk about toxic friends," Neo said. You are not a bad person if you choose not to be friends with somebody. Many of the same symptoms of toxicity apply, as do the markers of a good relationship. You are allowed to be upset, hurt, offended, or even annoyed. If possible, an open and mutual conversation about pain points in the relationship could aid in the healing process. If they turn it around on you or expect you to fundamentally change who you are, that's a good indication you may need to take a step back. Neo said you might feel like you've gotten yourself an obsessive boyfriend or girlfriend without even asking for it. "They make you feel like it's your fault — if you don't want such behaviors, then don't do it again.". You should never feel solely responsible for your friend's mental state and well-being. "They want all your time, so it's a very codependent kind of friendship," she said. Jacobs has worked with young adults and uses both cognitive behavioral therapy (my fellow therapy-goers know alllll about that) and a focus on an entire lifespan to look at someone's relationship patterns, the unconscious, and defensive structures. They'll never pick you up or congratulate you on your achievements. Some of the red flags are obvious, but some can be more subtle. If you haven't done anything obvious toward them in a while, they might set you up for failure. No one teaches you this stuff in grade school! I know it's hard not to be able to talk to your friends about what's going on — that's why it can be super helpful to talk to a therapist or even a family member, or a friend who has no relationship with your toxic friend. While they make you feel bad for not making enough time for them, toxic people won't ever feel bad for letting you down. In the end, I did my friend far more harm than good. It gets better — I promise. "So you may feel irritated and angry, but because you don't want to trigger them and their difficulties, so you take a step back.". While I have my own experiences and insight from therapy, I also wanted to talk to an outside professional to help me create a list of things to know about unhealthy friendships. They don’t text, they don’t call, they stop caring about you, and they might even go back to saying mean things to you again. Feeling is beyond your control. I knew my friendship was over when my boundaries were casually crossed with no apology or acknowledgment of wrongdoing, and I realized that my friend did not respect my needs or deem them valid in the face of hers. You can meet these people in any online game comunity and they are the main coin of online gaming. While one party can definitely inflict more harm than the other, assigning blame does not help in the healing process and will only make this friendship breakup more difficult. Jacobs says, "When you cater too much to another’s 'needs,' whether it be feeling like you are walking on eggshells so as to not upset them or spending copious amounts of emotional energy figuring out how to please them, you are sacrificing pieces of who you are for the sake of the relationship. This can be particularly dangerous because the more you feel cut off from other, perhaps more healthy relationships in your life, the more you rely on the toxic friendship to meet your attachment needs. Something for everyone interested in hair, makeup, style, and body positivity.

"They may play up the chaotic nature of their lives to get sympathy," Neo said. Here are 13 of the most common signs to look out for in a toxic friendship. "You have this sense of support like you're a lighthouse for them, and if you collapse, they'll collapse," she said. You cannot be the only one fighting for someone — it will not work and it will leave you empty. You can check out her website here. Growing up, I never really learned what I should look for in a friendship, or even how to create healthy friendships. It can be a breath of fresh air to go back into the world with new expectations for what you want out of a friendship, and finding friends who actually meet them will bring so much freedom and happiness to your life. Speaking of hard times: They are not an excuse for your friend to treat you badly.